For the past few days, I thought I was feeling kind of indifferent about the upcoming IVF cycle. I wasn't excited or scared....so I thought. I saw a few others blogs who are either doing an FET or IVF cycle in March also put things up about how excited and anxious they are to get things started and I started to feel almost guilty that I didn't have the same excitement. Now let me clarify by saying that I'm not usually one to get overly excited about many things but this is something I felt like I should be excited about. Then it hit me, I'm scared!
I'm scared for many reasons but the top one is that this is truly our only shot at IVF. Jared and I have good jobs but with insurance not covering infertility in our state, we are paying out of pocket for this procedure. Even with good jobs, we definitely don't have an extra $14,000 hanging around. I'm also scared because reality is starting to hit me that I will know one way or the other if this worked in almost exactly a month from today. While it would be wonderful to be pregnant in a month, it is also a possibility that we may not be. I mean, we have been giving fantastic odds before given our health and ages but with 3 failed clomid cycles and 3 failed IUI cycles under our belts, its hard to maintain that optimism.
I want to be excited about this but I feel like I don't want to lead myself down the path of really believing this might work. Like if my hopes don't get too high, then I won't be so let down if it doesn't work. Ugh! I need an attitude adjustment :-(
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Completely understand your feelings! You are not alone. Praying for peace for you guys going into this month.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of you. I hope that this gets you your BFP!!!
ReplyDeleteI also completely understand. It almost feels wrong for me to be exited, but in turn I am tired for holding in my emotions with all of this. It have definably turned off my getting excited about the prospect of pregnancy switch, because it huts too much to be let down when you are excited.
ReplyDeleteDon't be too hard on yourself... I have high hopes that this will work out for the both of us. If not at least we know that we tried everything.
I am praying for you guys!! love you so much!!!
ReplyDelete