Minor Meltdown

Have you ever caught yourself right in the middle of a meltdown and realized what was going on but somehow unable to control your emotions? That just happened to me and it was the strangest feeling. Usually I don't realize until awhile after that I was overreacting to a situation but this time, I knew I wasn't keeping it together as well I as should be as it was happening.

So the reason for this meltdown you might ask? Well this morning was my repeat blood draw to check my blood platelets at the OB/GYN. It turns out they dropped to 125 from 134 at the last appointment. Not great but I didn't necessarily see any cause for concern so I left the office knowing that the doctor would call me later to discuss. Well about 2:30 I get a call from some girl who sounded about 18 years old from the doctor's office saying that my doctor wants me to see a hematologist and that I should call and set up the appointment. No explanation from her just that I am to call and she gave me the number. When I call, the woman answering the phone with "Cancer Center can I help you?" Ok now I'm thinking WTF?? I knew low blood platelets are a slight concern but this is not something you want to hear when you call. So it turns out that the dingy girl at my doctor's office is supposed to send over referral forms and set up the appointment herself. So now I have to call my doctor's office back again and the girl acts slightly annoyed to hear that they said she was supposed to do this. At this point I am frightened and irritated. I'm about to drop $14,000 on an IVF cycle and I need to know now if this is going to hurt the process! So I call back and ask my doctor to call me back with an explanation of why he is referring me. Thankfully, he calls back within 20 minutes to say that he just wants to find out why they are dropping. He basically is pushing the referral through because he knows we are trying to get pregnant and if they are already this low, he wants to make sure there is no major condition causing this other than it is just something I carry genetically. He reassured me that I should definitely be able to continue with my IVF cycle and if any action needed to be taken down the road, it should not hurt a pregnancy. Thank goodness! Finally the doctor called back to tell me that my appt. with the hematologist is scheduled for this Wednesday at 2:30. Great, I already have and appt with my RE to check to see if I can start Lupron that day. Now I have to take off more time from work!

Ok so now back to the meltdown that occurred in the middle of all of these phone calls. I started tearing up at work (which I HATE to do), then I went into my boss's office and asked her about switching OB/GYNs (she knows that we are doing IVF and is a really open person), and called both my husband and best friend freaking out. As all of this is occurring I'm realizing that I need to calm down but its just not happening. As I went to give my boss my Time Off Request form I give her an update and apologize for having to take more time off. Then she actually tells me that I am handling all of this much better than she would have and she's impressed. Really? Maybe I am hiding my meltdowns better than I thought. Ok so at work at least :-)