Rainbows

Today I am feeling kinda philosophical so please bear with me. So when I tell you that yesterday ranks up there in my top 5 worst days ever, this is not an exaggeration. It actually all started on Monday night when Jared and I had a very deep conversation about our IVF plans. We started out discussing major budget cuts to put as much money in savings as possible and both of us getting additional part time jobs to put every penny into savings. Finally we came to the conclusion that I am making myself absolutely miserable by trying to save all of the money as soon as possible. And truthfully, there is a very real possibility that it may not even work (God forbid). We had already decided that we will purchase the refund guarantee so that we would get most of our money back if it doesn't work but after 8 months of putting every possible effort towards it, we both knew I would not be ok emotionally if it didn't work. So instead of stressing out for the next 8 months or so to try to save every dime, we decided to talk to the bank and see what our note would be if we financed this at the beginning of the year. This may not make sense to anyone else but it would be easier on me to handle the emotions of the whole process if we did it sooner rather than stress about it and put our lives essentially on hold for months knowing there is no guarantee that we will end up with a baby. Also, it is harder to work to save for a possibility where as if I am already pregnant, we will have an incentive. Again, this may sound crazy to others but I have finally reached a point where this is beginning to get too much to deal with.

Anyway, so now re-energized about the possibility of doing IVF in January or February I get to work Tuesday morning and begin running through emails and other general morning stuff. I plan to set up an appointment with our Loan Officer for later that day. Well about an hour into the day, Jared calls to tell me that his boss at his current part time job just told him that they will not be able to keep him on during this slow time of the year and will try to get him back on in the spring. Keep in mind this was via text message!! Who does that? At least have the courtesy to call someone and give them some warning that you have to cut staff!! So while we were planning on Jared getting another part time job if we got pregnant, now he has to get another one to just help us pay bills. For those who are reading this that don't know us personally, Jared is a firefighter so he has about 3-4 days off a week. While he loves his job, the only drawback is that he has to do something on the side to supplement our income and the part time job he was working was perfect because he could make his own schedule. This is how he could take on another part time job if necessary because he still had a decent amount of free time and could make his schedule around the new part time job.

So with that unfortunate news, we decided that there was no way we could even discuss anything with the bank until we both had part time jobs. Secretly, I can't help but feel like maybe this was a sign (and not a sign I wanted to see!). Trying to find something uplifting to look forward to, I called to follow up on a teaching job I had applied for. The pay would be a decent amount more than I am currently making and the maternity benefits are fantastic which would mean little to no debt from actually having a baby once we are pregnant. Well apparently, they already hired someone. Great :-(

And just when I thought the day could not possibly get any worse, Jared calls with more interesting news. He just got off the phone with his 19 year old sister who told him that she is pregnant! To fill you all in on the Jerry Springer episode that is my husband's family (only on his dad's side thank goodness) his 21 year old sister got pregnant earlier this year and unfortunately miscarried. While I never want anyone to experience a miscarriage, her fiance is not a good guy and was not going to be able to support her and a baby. Now back to his 19 year old pregnant sister, the details of this situation are so completely trashy that I will not be discussing them on this blog.

So there are the details of my life just from yesterday. But I am thankful that today is a new day and it started with me seeing a rainbow on my way to work! I believe this was a reminder that there will be rain and storms in our lives but sometimes we are lucky enough to come through those and see a rainbow.