I hesistated about posting this. I wasn't sure how it would be taken or if it would be misconstrued. But I have to be honest and get this off my chest. So here goes:
I'm struggling here. Taking care of two babies and working full time and keeping up a household and paying all the bills is hard work and I feel like I'm barely surviving. There was no transition period of learning to take care of a child, making mistakes and learning from them, learning the best ways to do things, what works and what doesn't so you have these tools for your second child. It was just, BAM, mom of two overnight. Going from zero to two when your husband works basically every day of the week including weekend days and evenings during the week is taking its toll on me. Especially when both babies need attention and there is only one parent available. I want to sit as a family and enjoy each other but with two babies to take care of and get everything ready for the following day has me literally running from the second I get home at night until the second my head hits the pillow. My fears are that my children won't develop skills like sitting up and grasping things when they should but most importantly, I worry that they aren't getting enough love and attention. It already worries me that they don't get enough attention all day long at day care but then I have to spend almost half of the evenings just getting things ready for the next day.
Now I hope no one reads this and thinks I'm complaining about my children and the amount of work. It is actually because of my love for them that I am feeling guilty that I can't do everything perfectly and spend more time with them and as a family. Any suggestions from those who have been here are definitely welcomed.
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It's hard with one baby, I can't imagine with two! What you are feeling is perfectly normal. I work from home full-time and get to see my baby anytime during the day and I still feel guilty! I think as moms, we beat ourselves up.
ReplyDeleteDo you have any church friends/neighbors who would be willing to come over and help you out a few nights a week? Or even a highschooler? They don't need to actually babysitt, but they could just help you with the nightly routine a little bit so you can spend more time with the babies.
I'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. I hope you are able to get some help (or that your husband's job can change a bit to allow him more time at home). Good luck!
I don't think you are complaining at all...
ReplyDeleteI worry I'll have the same issues. I a bit lucky in that my husband only works M-F 7-3 so he will be able to help out.
As far as advise. We have a daughter of some family friends who does light cleaning...(sweeps & dusts the floors, etc.) for just $10 a week now (she come 1x/ week) and it helps out so much. She's only in Jr. high so she walks to our house and it takes her about 1 hour to get done. I think that we will keep her doing that after the babies are here.
Maybe you could find someone like that to just help you a bit while you are home. Summer is coming so you may have more options in this department.
My other suggestion is go to online auto pay on as many bills as possible. This also has helped me with time.
Also, even though you husband is working...give him some daily task for the babies to help you out...ie, washing bottles, 1 load luanundry or something. You are working too and should not have to do everything just because you are Mommy.
This blows! I know the guilt stuff and I'm not even working! I feel guilty when I am holding one baby, and I feel guilty when I can't hold either one because I have to get stuff done around the house. The guilt really is double because of two babies!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could give you some good advice. I don't know exactly what your financial situation is, but if there is ANY way you could work just part-time, or get some help around the house so you can spend more time with them. We are having to make sacrifices so I can stay home, but it is totally worth it to us! Hang in there! Make the time with them really count!
I don't know how you twin moms do it! Some good suggestions above, I know the on-line bill paying really does help us. I'm sure your babies are going to be just fine but the mommy worries are so real and so hard! Trial by fire, right? It looks like you are doing a great job!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, I know *exactly* how you feel! I can say this... it will get easier. As the babies start having earlier and earlier bedtimes (ours are 9 months old and they go to sleep around 8p now), you'll have more time to get things ready for the next day AND have some downtime for yourself. I wish there was some magic answer as to how to make it easier, but there's just not! Hang in there though, it WILL get better!! (And congrats on your ADORABLE lil' ones!) :)
ReplyDeleteI am lucky that I have family nearby who always have an open arm. I do remember my first month back to work spending all the time I could holding my babies. I used to sit in front of the tv holding them while they slept. I agree with Gemini, it does get easier. I just have to try to let some things go. My house may not be clean and I might not get the laundry put away but for now that is okay.
ReplyDeleteI had co-workers that always wanted to do some baby holding that would come and just hold one for a while. Or friends that say they would be happy to do anything to help. I really have had to learn to ask for help since I had my twins.
My husband always had bottle duty. It didn't matter when he came home, he always would come in and start on cleaning the sink of bottles. Sometimes knowing that I could leave that to him made a world of difference.
As someone who was a first time mom to twins, I COMPLETELY understand!! And I def have days, 2.5 years later, where I am so grateful I have them, but I just want to cry, I am so overwhelmed. It does get easier with time, but you will still always have days where you want to drown under it all...but not only is it worth it - it gets even more rewrding. Just wait until you get your first "I love you mommy." That makes it all go away!! Just keep taking it day by day, and pretty soon, you will be wondering when they got to be almost 3 years old!
ReplyDeleteI dont think you are complaining at all! I think most mom's (and the ones who don't think they do are lying in my opinion or have a TON of outside help like nannies lol) have ruff days. And you have TWINS! This has to be so hard....I know having two boys is hard and they are 27 months and 7 months old. My husband also works 7 days a week and is on midnights so I know how you feel about doing it by yourself...it stinks. I have learned that they will have to learn to do somethings without me being there 24/7. I used to feel the guilt about this ALL the time but this is reality....parents have other things that they need to get done in a days time that can't stay on the back burner all the time.
ReplyDeleteIs there any way you could have shortened days so you could get home sooner? I know when I get that once and a while it helps me get through the ruff days.
Also make sure you get time to yourself. I know with two kids how does this happen? lol. But you need your own time too....ask hubby, friends, or family if you could have even just an hour to yourself to do something you enjoy (besides the kids). I felt guilty the first couple of times I did this but then it really helped. If you would like to talk more feel free to email me (mvdeyarmond@yahoo.com)....all moms need someone to talk to, and it is hard if you dont have friends who have kids. (not sure if you do or not but just saying)
My twins are nine months, and though my husband is home with me most nights, I also have 7 and 9 year old step sons that live with us and I do the majority of the day to day care of my twins. I'm also in your boat of doing fertility treatments with my twins and jumping right in to the whole two babies at once experience!
ReplyDeleteFirst, it will get better, but there is definitely times when I still feel overwhelmed! The hardest part I feel is when both my twins need my attention and I can't physically give them both all that they are needing.
Here are a few things that work for me, that might work for you. I try and prep as much as I can for the next day after the twins have gone to bed (make all the bottles, fold laundry,re-stock diapers,get breakfast ready). Another thing that has really helped is to have a consistent bedtime/nap routine. The twins have a bath, last bottle and then are in bed by 8pm and are able to fall asleep on their own. This has been a big blessing. While I'd love to be able to rock them both to sleep, as you know I physically can't, so it's nice not to have to hear their cries. In the past month and a half is when the twins have really gotten a good schedule of napping both in the same room at the same time (yea!)
The biggest suggestion I would say is take help when it's offered. My Mom watches the twins every Tuesday and Wednesday and spends the night Tuesday night, we look forward to the help every week!
I don't have a blog (no time!) but I am on facebook (Lauren Guyer), so look me up if you want, I've found a lot of support from other mom's of twins on fb that I don't actually "know" because we can all relate like no one else!