I miss my youth!

I'm feeling kinda sad today :-( Though 27 is not old, I am feeling incredibly old and miss my youth! It all started with a horrible interview today for a part time job. I was so excited at the opportunity to possibly be able to put away some money for IVF but this was bad from the beginning. The lady did not tell me it was a group interview and I went on my lunch hour and it lasted so long that I had to excuse myself to get back to work. Plus I did not get a good feeling about this job. Inconsistent hours and strange call-in shifts are not something I think I can handle when I need to be able to plan on how much my paychecks will be.

While I'm more than willing to work a part time job if it means we will get to do IVF sooner, part of me is still pretty sad that it has come to this. Plus since Jared's part time job had to cut him for the winter, he is helping a friend cut grass today just to get some extra money. Since he did not know about this until the last minute, he did not pack clothes and is working in his boots which has given him blisters all over his feet. Although we have been married for 2 years and I've lived on my own since 18, for some reason I feel more like an adult now than I ever have. And to tell you the truth, I miss being a kid with zero responsibilities.

I'm also feeling like this whole thing is incredibly unfair. Its not fair that we are unable to get pregnant on our own! It's not fair that our insurance will cover absolutely none of the costs of IVF!! It's unfair that IVF is so damn expensive!!! It's unfair that we have the responsibility of making major life decisions and the financial responsibility of a child but don't have a child!!!!

But on the other hand, its days like this that I realize that God made me an incredibly strong person for a reason. Although I may break down and feel like giving up, I always come around and get right back to work on making our IVF dream come true. Sometimes Im even amazed at my determination. This along with Jared's supportive attitude all leads me to believe that we will be incredible parents one day.